Saying Goodbye
by Srina
Summary: John and Elizabeth have to say goodbye. Spoilers for season 4 SPARKY


**A/N:** I can't say much about this fic. It just happened and I wasn't really thinking while writing it.

English isn't my first language and the story isn't beta'd, therefore all the mistakes are mine. Enjoy or not ;)

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John found himself standing in the doorway that led to his balcony. His quarters behind him were bathed in darkness, except for the faint orange glow that indicated that dawn was drawing closer. A light morning breeze tickled his bare chest. It had been raining for the previous 3 weeks and he nearly laughed at the fact that for once the sun would show its face. Especially on this day.

John put his hands into the pockets of his pants and leaned against the doorway, his shoulder meeting the cool material. 20 hours ago Richard Woolsey had stepped through the gate and informed them that Elizabeth was to be relieved of her command. She would be replaced and at noon on this for once sunny day she would leave Atlantis for good. John really wished it would rain and storm, because it felt like the sun was mocking them.

After what had happened with the Assurans they had known that there would be consequences, but neither of them had thought that it would go that far. Replacing Elizabeth hadn't been on their list. It was neither fair nor justified. The IOA had just found the right moment to get rid of her. That's what it was: getting rid of her. Replacing a civilian leader with a military commander.

He guessed that Elizabeth had known, or maybe suspected something, because when Woolsey had told her the IOA's decision she hadn't even blinked. She hadn't been surprised at all, but then again John knew how good she was at hiding emotions in public. He knew it, because he was just the same. But he had seen something crumble behind her mask nevertheless.

A stray ray light crept up his chest. He ran a hand through his tousled hair and sighed. A warm hand snaked itself over his stomach from behind and he closed his eyes briefly. Flashes of the last night's events came to his mind and goose bumps erupted on his skin. He couldn't tell if they were caused by another breeze or the images he saw.

When Elizabeth had come to his quarters the previous evening she hadn't cried. She had said nothing at all about her inevitable departure and they had crossed a line. This unspoken invisible line that had always been between them had vanished in less than a blink of the eye.

The hand from his stomach was withdrawing slowly, but he caught it gently with his own. He pulled his eyes away from the rising sun and looked down at their now joined hands before he let his gaze travel up to the intoxicating green of her eyes. Her chocolate curls were tousled and he lifted his other hand to brush a stray curl out of her face. She was wearing his black t-shirt and this sight gave him a hollow feeling in his stomach. It was the first time he ever saw her in his clothes. It would also be the last.

"Slept well?" he asked quietly, a sad smile forming on his lips.

"Perfect" Elizabeth said and brushed her lips against his shoulder. "What were you thinking about?" she asked and his head snapped back to the sun. He could now see half of it on the horizon, mirrored in the calm ocean.

"That it isn't fair" he sighed.

"Well, life isn't fair, it's just fairer than death" she said and he looked back at her. She was smiling at him. He had said it to her when they had been forced back to earth by the Ancients. At that time they had left Atlantis together, now it was just her.

"Hmm, let me guess: The Princess Bride?" he joked and she kissed his shoulder again.

"Someone told me it's a good movie, I think it's about time that I finally watch it"

"Yeah, you should do that" he said, becoming serious again. He closed his eyes and let out a long breath. The previous night he had for the first time seen Elizabeth and not Dr. Weir. He had seen a friend and not his superior. He had seen a woman and not his commanding officer. She had shown him a completely other side of her and damn him, he wanted to keep that. They had never gotten even near that invisible line and now it felt to him as though it had never been there in the first place.

"I have to go soon" she said quietly and for the first time it sounded like her voice was breaking. "But I don't want to go" she added and John looked at her. She was blinking her eyes rapidly to keep her tears from falling. He could see that she avoided looking at him, still trying to be brave and suppress her emotions. He turned around to face her and then lowered his head to kiss her softly. In the next moment salty drops slipped between their lips and he could taste her tears.

The sun was warming the gate room through the high window behind the Stargate. It really was a beautiful summer's day, the complete opposite of the goings on inside. It seemed almost the whole expedition found themselves in the gate room. John let his gaze wander around the crowd. He only knew half of them, but he knew that Elizabeth knew them all by their names.

Next to him Rodney shifted uncomfortably when Elizabeth reached their row and pulled Teyla into a tight hug. Whispered words John couldn't hear were exchanged. When they pulled apart both women were smiling. Next one in line was Ronon. They first shook hands and then Ronon pulled a slightly surprised Elizabeth into another hug. John smiled slightly and looked past them. Richard Woolsey was watching them with a raised eyebrow.

"Hey Rodney" Elizabeth whispered when she reached him. She hugged him as well and out of the corner of his eyes John could see him pat her back in return. "Take care and don't blow up the city" she said and then pulled away. John turned his head and met her gaze when she stepped in front of him. "Colonel" she said and held out her hand. She was smiling and John searched her eyes for a moment before he took it and shook it.

"Doctor" he said, well aware of the many eyes that were resting upon them. Her smile was genuine, but her hand betrayed her. It was ice cold in his own. He moved his thumb back and forth on the back of her hand. "Take care" he whispered, his face expressionless, but his insides whirling.

"You too" she said and her hand fell from his. She held his gaze for a few more moments and then turned her head to indicate to Chuck to dial the gate. She stayed close to him as they waited for the gate to come to life. She didn't look at him though. He let his gaze discreetly wander over her now neatly arranged curls and thought that they looked better tousled from bed. A friendly smile was etched into her face, but he knew it looked more beautiful when she was asleep. The black costume that she wore was her usual style, but she would always look better in his wrinkled t-shirt.

The activated gate startled him out of his observations. Elizabeth turned her back to him to nod to Woolsey, she then took a few steps towards the gate. She was out of his reach within a second. She would be for the rest of his life.

Woolsey joined her at her side and slightly urged her to go. Elizabeth turned her head to look over her shoulder, overlooking the crowd of people who had come to say goodbye. She let her eyes linger on every one of them for a moment. She let her gaze rest on John only a heartbeat longer. She turned to face the gate then and walked towards it with a determined step. She hesitated for the fracture of a second before she stepped into the shimmering pool of blue and out of sight.

The first thing John noticed when he stepped inside his quarters later was the silver pocket watch on his pillow. He crossed his room like a sleepwalker and carefully picked it up. He brushed his thumb over the glass that shielded the clock face like Elizabeth had done so many times when he had seen her with this watch.

John resumed the place in the doorway that led to his balcony, twirling the watch in his hand. His chest felt suddenly tight with emotions that needed to get out, emotions that he would never allow to surface. He watched the sky again and the ghost of a smile crept across his lips when he saw heavy rain clouds on their way to cover the sun.


End file.
